Getting Un-Stuck

We all get stuck sometimes.

Rose Arrowsmith-DeCoux getting un-stuck.

Recently, I was talking with a client about her plans to expand career as a creative professional. Rose Arrowsmith-DeCoux is a talented writer, performer, and performance coach and wants to develop her business as a creativity coach—leading retreats and working one-on-one with artists and writers. I had a chance to see Rose in action, and to get coaching from her myself, when the two of us led a winter retreat together at a north woods cabin. She is truly gifted at helping people tap into their own creative expression. You can learn more about Rose here.

As Rose talked about pursuing her path as a creativity coach, however, a string of worries crept in to her speaking. Rose questioned how she would ever be taken seriously, how she would ever make enough money, why she can't ever seem to grow up and have a “real” career. She felt embarrassed about calling the many artists she knows to invite them to her upcoming creativity retreats. So she wasn't calling. And no one was registering. She was stuck and nothing around her was moving. Sound familiar?

How many times have you been stuck? How many times have your own worries stopped you from doing what you felt called to do? Sometimes, these worries operate in the background. Going almost unnoticed, we don't even realize why we never pursue our dreams. We convince ourselves that it is impractical, or even impossible to do so. Other times, we recognize these worries. Perhaps we even recognize that they are irrational. Yet they continue to stop us. We believe that we need to work through these negative views—conquer our inner demons—before we can be successful. Thankfully, this is not the case. The Art of Living Naturally provides a path for defusing the power of these views and directing our energy back to our dreams and our calling. Below, you will find a simple exercise to hep you get "un-stuck" in pursuing your own dreams.

After working though an exercise like the one below, Rose found herself un-stuck. She felt inspired by her own calling and inspired by the artists and creative professionals in her life. Within hours of our conversation, she had begun calling artists to personally invite them to her upcoming retreat—a simple action she had been resisting for weeks. Serendipitously, she also began to receive online requests for information about the retreats from people she had never met. All of Rose's worries were still there, but she was no longer stuck. Her energy was now being directed toward fulfilling her dream instead of worrying about it.

An Exercise for getting "Un-Stuck"

This is a four part exercise.
The whole thing will take 10 – 20 minutes. 

Part I: Identifying the Dream

On a clean sheet of paper, write out a brief description of what you want to pursue or feel called to do. For Rose, it was being a creativity coach. For you, it may be being a watercolor painter, or a toy designer, or a women's health advocate.

Next, name the category or group that you associate with that dream. For Rose, the category was being an artist. For you it may be being a freelancer, or an entrepreneur, or a social services worker. 

Part II: Getting the Junk Out

List out at least 10 reflexive views you have about that group. Use this opportunity to get the junk out. Get present to all those negative views. For example:

1. Freelancers can't get a mortgage
2. Freelancers can't afford health care
3. Freelancers are running away from having a real job
4. Freelancers can't plan for retirement
5. Freelancers are loaners who never fit in
6. …

Keep going until you have at least 10. If you have more than 10, then just keep going until you are done.

Look back at your list. Begin by noticing that everything that you just wrote is, in fact, there for you. These are real thoughts that you really have. Acknowledge that these views are present.

Next, ask yourself the following questions:

• Are these views valid? That is, can you find evidence to support them? (the answer to this should be "yes")
• Are these views true? That is, would any objective observer agree with these statements? (the answer should be a pretty obvious “no”).

Now, let that all in. These views are present. They are valid. And they are not the truth.

Part III: Creating Space

Now, flip the paper over and create a new list. On this list, write out all of your highest ideals about the group. All the good qualities that you believe in your heart members of this group can exhibit. Again, write out at least 10 views, and keep going if you have more. For example:

1. Freelancers are independent thinkers
2. Freelancers are nimble and able to respond quickly to clients needs
3. Freelancers have diverse professional and social networks
4. Freelancers are really interesting people
5. Freelancers have the flexibility to craft a life that works
6. …

Again, look back at your list and notice that everything you just wrote is, in fact, there for you. Acknowledge that these views are present.

Again, ask yourself the following questions:

• Are these views valid? That is, can you find evidence to support them? (the answer to this should be "yes")
• Are these views true? That is, would any objective observer agree with these statements? (the answer should be a pretty obvious “no”).

Now, let that all in. These views are also present. They are also valid. And they are also not the truth.

Part IV: Take Action

When you complete this exercise, you may have a sense of freedom or ease around your dream. You may feel a little less stuck. Take that opportunity to create. Then take one action that is consistent with your dream.